It’s been a long time between blogs over the last few years as I have wanted to post only when I feel I have something of value to share. It breaks all the rules of marketing and yet it is something that has been really important to me.
Well today I feel really excited, and nervous, as my work has developed further and I am ready to share some of the experiences, tools and resources that have supported me through times of change and challenges over these last few years.
I’m excited to introduce my latest event – a Workshop on Managing Stress. Everyone goes through periods of turmoil in their lives. No-one escapes this, no matter how together they may look on the outside. And we all need support at these times. So this is the purpose of the workshop, and indeed the ongoing Focus Groups – to provide the information, tools and resources that can increase your resilience to deal with life’s up’s and down’s, as you navigate your way through your daily life.
So why not take a few hours out before the Christmas rush kicks in and join me for some breathing space and inspiration so you can make the most of the coming month.
It has been a traumatic week for many in New Zealand with the devastating earthquake in Christchurch on Tuesday. As it has affected so many people in so many different ways I wanted to share some useful resources that I know of that could be useful at this time:
Coping with Traumatic Incidents – this is an article on the Massey University site that a friend sent me. She said she found it useful to help understand our responses as a result of a traumatic event such as this.
Bach Flower remedies are easy to take and invaluable at times of emotional distress. They are available from health food stores and some pharmacies. I can recommend
Rescue Remedy for when you are in a demanding and stressful situations.
Rock Rose for when you have experienced terror, have been frozen in fear and feel helpless.
Star of Bethlehem for when you have experienced shock, grief or fright.
Neuro Linguistic Practitioners can help with the Trauma Treatment Process which can change the programming in your brain related to the experience. I can highly recommend Charlotte Hinksman in Wellington.
Emotional Freedom Technique can also be useful with the experience of trauma – Jasmina Kovacev is a practitioner that I have personally found helpful when dealing with emotional challenge.
The most important thing to remember is you don’t have to go through this alone – there is support around you with friends, family and trained practitioners. Allow yourself to reach for help at this time and take good care of yourself by limiting the amount of exposure you have to the traumatic images that are all around us at this time.
My heart goes out to all who have suffered and hope these resources may be useful in some way.
What an amazing group of people who came together today for our monthly Cafe at Robert Harris in Lower Hutt – it is a real pleasure for me to be able to share thoughts and ideas and to facilitate the conversation for learning from each other. Thank you for sharing your wisdom today.
The key point to come out of the conversation was how important it is to find the method or system to manage your time with “who” you are. I shared a little of my story around how I have managed my time over the years and how it has evolved and changed as I have evolved and changed. There is no right or wrong way of doing this and as soon as you think you have it nailed life changes and it’s time to adjust. So flexibility is an absolute must, as is trust that whatever is happening right now in your life is absolutely perfect!
Some of the challenges that we talked about were being busy all the time – no space for downtime or me time to reflect and regenerate, the challenge of being motivated to do the things that we know are important for us to do, the influence of past conditioning or expectations from society about what it means to be successful in life and what we “should” be doing to achieve that success.
Some of the key tools that we were all reminded of were…
Gratitude – focus on being grateful
Coming back to the present moment to make your decisions about what next
Setting clear intentions. Use everything that is presented to you in life as an opportunity to learn and get clearer on what needs to change for you and how exactly you would like your life to be.
Allowing yourself to feel good about yourself – makes it easier to take action on the stuff that is really important to you.
Check out some tools under the Time management category that may be useful as you reflect on how you currently manage your time and how you would like it to be. Please add a comment as you continue to reflect on this topic and let me, and others, know what you’re doing differently or have learned from today.
If you would like some support around making changes in how you manage your time get in touch and we can explore how working with me as your coach could help.
I attended a Self Esteem Workshop at the Lower Hutt Women’s Centre last night. The Topic was Having the Courage to be Imperfect. I believe it is crucial that we have really good support networks around us when we are making any changes in our lives and I found this organisation to be a particularly useful resource as you explore who you are. As Julie, the facilitator, said “Self Esteem is ALL about your relationship with yourself”. I couldn’t agree more.
This workshop is just one of a series of 20 that have been running for many years now so check it out and see if it fits for you.
When you want to create change in your life it is not a good idea to start from a place of neediness or dissatisfaction.
This would seem to be a contradiction in terms when setting goals, however, along with setting your goal there must also be a level of acceptance for where you are right now. It can be very hard to come to terms with where you are now when it is causing you a lot of pain and consequently it is this part of creating change that people struggle with the most. This is where having the support of someone, such as a coach, who understands the process of creating change is really important.
It is how you handle the present moment that will dictate how difficult or easy it will be for you to create the change you desire and ultimately the success you are looking for in life.
Eckhart Tolle, author of A New Earth, suggests a great question to ask yourself regularly…” What is my relationship with the present moment?”
Give it a try – and when you discover any resistance to the present moment contact Heather to talk about how coaching can help eliminate this block.
Overwhelm seems to be the disease of the 21st century – everyone experiences it at one time or another. It seems to be a default setting that we flick into especially when our resistance is low.
So what is overwhelm? According to the dictionary it is to load with too great an amount, to defeat completely, to overcome and to make helpless.
So what can we do to remove this sense of helplessness and return to a state of feeling empowered once again. Here are some ideas…
1. Let the lists go. I am a great advocate for getting things out of our heads and down on paper however there comes a point when we have so much down on paper it can feel like there is just too much to do. So without looking at your lists choose one thing to focus and take action on right now that feels right for you. Put everything else to the side until that is completed.
2. Finish all your unfinished business. Take on no new projects until you have some completed some or all of the projects that are incomplete. There is a lot to be said for multi tasking however in reality often we are more effective when we focus on one thing at a time, so choose that one thing that will make the biggest difference for you right now.
3. Clear your desk. When we are in overwhelm we will usually have lots of “stuff” scattered on our desks or around our work space. Attend to everything on your desk or in box by filing it an organised way that makes sense to you. I tend to create a project folder to capture all the thoughts and bits of paper or documents lying around so it is all in one place when I do sit down to focus my attention on that topic.
4. Do it now. When in overwhelm I often think of an admin assistant I know who will always deal with stuff there and then when she can. She is a great role model for efficiency. I have a tendency to put things to the side with the intention of coming back to them however it can be difficult to find the time to come back – it can be much easier to deal with something straight away when it is in your hand – so get into the habit of making the decision there and then about what needs to happen with that email or document and do it straight away when possible.
5. Stop beating yourself up for being in overwhelm. Everyone experiences overwhelm and we all come out of it again, usually much quicker when we start to talk to ourselves in a much kinder and gentle way. Reach out for support to regain a healthy perspective – talking it through with someone can give you the clarity you need to shift it and if overwhelm is a constant companion consider working with a coach to completely change this habit.
6. Use the Bach Flower Essence for overwhelm – Elm can be purchased at a health food store, is completely natural, easy to take and very effective when you need some extra support.
So you have decided you want to create a change in your life – to create different results. You start doing something differently or you start to use affirmations to change how you think. Everything goes along really smoothly for a while and you feel great, then out of nowhere you get swamped by challenges or emotions that can throw you into a place of confusion and stop you in your tracks. Why couldn’t you keep it up? What got in the way of achieving your goal? Why is it all so difficult?
This is where a coach is really useful to support you through the emotional roller coaster that you may start to experience with change. It is really useful to have the space and support to reflect on what has happened to throw you off course. Here are some of the reasons that can get in the way of creating your desired results…
There may be some deeply ingrained pattern of thoughts or beliefs that you were unaware of until now and these will need to be acknowledged and cleared.
You may start to experience feelings or emotions that you have managed to avoid before with your old behaviours. We tend to make life even more difficult by making ourselves wrong and beating ourselves up for feeling or experiencing what are considered negative emotions. This just serves to make us feel worse and we can spiral down into even more negative emotions which drain us of the energy we need to fulfill the change we desire.
There are often fears that surface when you start to move into a new way of being in the world. We can feel insecure because we are entering the unknown and don’t know how to respond to the new challenges in our lives – the old ways no longer seem to work, or feel really inappropriate now.
You may be challenged or criticised by people around you who don’t like the new way you are behaving. Again this is new territory when creating change because we don’t know what to say or do and it can be very tempting to go back to our old ways or patterns. Our resolve to stay committed to the change is being tested and we need to learn new ways to respond to those around us.
To help us through these challenges it is really useful to refocus on the outcome, the goal or intention that is driving our desire to change. What is it we are hoping to achieve through making these changes in our lives?
We will also need to call on support to help us through these challenging times and this is why it is really important to build strong support networks around us. We need to know who we can call on at these times when we doubt ourselves and our ability to create lasting change in our lives. If there is no one you can call on I strongly suggest that you fill this gap before you start to make big changes in your life.
Send me an email or give me call – 021 240 6535 if you are experiencing any of these challenges and need some support to make the changes you desire a reality.
I have many clients who come to me for NLP or coaching sessions with “problems” that they want to have “fixed”. They often want a magic cure to make the problem disappear. We can achieve amazing things with NLP, however the client must always be willing to really examine how they think about the world, to be honest with themselves and then take responsibility to change the thoughts that do not support them. Until a client can do this they will achieve limited success with NLP or any other personal change work they participate in.
When it comes to “problems”, whatever the challenge, how we think about it can often be a major factor.
This is why you can have two people experiencing the same situation and one person can find it very stressful while another doesn’t. It is the habits that have been formed around how they think that can make all the difference.
It is also interesting to see that the more we want to “fix” something, the more likely we are to keep thinking about it in the same way until it starts to feel like a battle of wills. As the saying goes what we resist persists. Imagine how different it could be if we accepted a perceived “problem” as OK right now without judgment or criticism. Through thinking about it in a different way like this, the “problem” can often evolve and change seemingly of it’s own accord.
So what have you got to lose? If the old ways of thinking about your problems have not changed them why not try something different! If you have a “problem” that you want to “fix” stop for one minute right now and ask yourself…
Is this really a problem?
If it was not a problem (go right ahead and imagine if it was not a problem) how would I be thinking about it?
If it was not a problem what would I be saying to myself or to others?
If this was not a problem how would I be behaving?
I know this can be a real challenge so if you would like some support to change how you think about a challenge you are experiencing call/text Heather on 0212 406 535 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.