Last week I had to contact a few people to say that I had over committed and would not be able to fulfill my promise to complete some work for them within the agreed time frames.
There was an immediate sense of relief as I knew I had made the right decision.
It is really important to me to fulfill my promises and I have learned over the years to be more discerning when making promises to others. However I am human and can still over commit at times.
I have also become more aware of how easy it is to let commitments to myself slip as a result of over committing to others. Being a person of integrity is not just about honoring the commitments we make to others, it is also about honoring those we make to ourselves as well, and finding the balance between the two.
Here are some questions I find useful when choosing whether to commit …
- Is this something I really want to do?
- Does it fit with my values – is it something I am passionate about?
- Is it something that I have the ability to do, or am I well supported as I develop the necessary abilities?
- Is the time frame workable – do I have enough time available to meet any deadlines?
Once I have made a commitment I will continue to use these questions to check in periodically, especially at those times that I start to feel resentful, or under pressure.
By asking these questions I am reminded that I always have a choice.
There is nothing wrong with changing your mind when an ongoing commitment no longer works. It is better to end the commitment and invest your time and energy in something that “fits” rather than perform from a place of resentment and anger.
So why not pause right now and reflect on your current commitments and see what you discover?
Feel free to share you thoughts by clicking on the word “comment” below or test/call Heather on 0212 406 535 or email firstname.lastname@example.org to arrange for some support around this topic.
Resentment is an emotion which we can often feel when things are going wrong for us, or when we feel that others expect too much from us. I had the feeling this week as I was driving to a meeting and caught myself on before it was allowed to run rampant and ruin my day.
The main questions I asked myself at the time were…
- Do I really want to go to this meeting?
- Do I still get enjoyment and pleasure from being part of this organization?
- What is stopping me from feeling good about going to this meeting?
I had to remind myself that I always have a choice, that if I was no longer enjoying these meetings I could choose to withdraw my involvement. The answer was yes to the first two of these questions. By thinking about the third I could identify what was causing the feeling. This allowed me to explore some options to make the experience a different one. At that time I was feeling overwhelmed with how much I was trying to fit into my day. As I reflected on these questions I was able to make some adjustments in how I was thinking about what I had to do, as well as letting go of some things from my to do list for that day. I was then able to be more present with my day and it became easier to let the resentment go.
I have since become more aware of how quickly feelings of resentment can creep into my thinking for what appears to be no good reason. However this unconscious pattern can provide me with valuable information about how I experience my world. For me resentment is often about feeling I do not have a choice. Through this awareness I can choose how I handle it – by changing my thinking, taking some action to give me more choice or using a Bach flower remedy (Willow) to support me in re balancing this emotion to be more positive in my outlook.
So is this an emotion you experience a lot? Let me know how it affects your life and share how you handle it, or not, as the case may be! And remember you can always access some extra support with challenging emotions by calling/ texting Heather on 0212 406 535 or emailing email@example.com