Tag Archives: Fear

4 reasons that make it difficult to make decisions and some solutions…

1. Not enough information or lack of clarity to make a good decision.

  • What is the decision that needs to be made here?
  • Focus on the Intention – what is the purpose to be achieved from this decision?
  • Identify possible options from there.
  • Am I the right person to make this decision?
  • What information do I need? Is there more information I require before I am in a position to make a decision. Does someone else need to decide something else first?
  • Practice trust in your intuition, your gut feeling with smaller decisions so that you can then become more comfortable with using your intuition with larger decisions.
  • Practice trust in the process of life. Be willing to acknowledge there will be decisions that can’t be made now – there will be steps that you need to take which you are unaware of right now, yet also know that these will reveal themselves as you move further along your journey. Hold the intention of the final result in your mind, keep asking “What decisions do I need to make today?”  and step by step you will find yourself becoming less fearful with the decision making process as you get closer to the result you are working towards.

2. Limiting beliefs and negative self talk. Become aware of the story you tell yourself about making decisions e.g. I always get them wrong; I’m hopeless at making decisions.  Create an affirmation to counteract the negative self talk – I’m a great decision maker. I can make decisions confidently and with ease. I love to make decisions! Become curious with a key question… How can I allow this to become easier? How can I enjoy making decisions on this project? Then create some space to listen for the answers …

3. Feeling rushed or pressured. Create some space when you feel the pressure to make a decision – go for a quick walk round the block to clear your head and get fresh air, or postpone the decision until the next morning. I have a personal rule if the decision is not 100% clear for me immediately to wait 24 hours. After putting the decision on the back burner and having a good nights sleep I often know exactly what it is I need to do.

4. Fear of success, failure, rejection. It is hard to make a decision when we worry about what other people think.

  • Accept it is OK to make mistakes – that is how we learn.
  • You can also give yourself permission to change your mind if it is possible  – sometimes we need to try something out before we can confidently know if it was the right decision or not.
  • Learn to trust that the decision you make, even thought it may appear wrong, may in fact lead to the perfect solution further on. New and innovative ideas often come from mistakes!
  • Sometimes we may know what we want to do; we have made the decision in our heads however our fear of saying it can make us feel indecisive. Practice asserting your thoughts and opinions in relation to decisions, be prepared to say NO and learn how to handle others response when they are upset with what you have decided!

Inspirations Cafe Tues 2nd Nov 10

The discussion at this cafe focused on the challenges of fear and how to handle all those that come up in our life.

The key point to come out of the conversation today was that everyone of us will experience fear at one time or another. The feeling of fear is an emotion and it will come and go the same as any other emotions we experience – the point of choice comes in how we choose to handle fear when it arises. Here is some of what was shared today…

  • Learn to accept the fear – name it and allow yourself to just sit with it for a while. In reality some things that we fear will happen – we will fail, we will be rejected at times, we will feel that we have no control over something, we will feel stuck. So having accepted the fear and where we are right now focus your attention on how you want to handle this situation when it happens, or as it exists.
  • Bring yourself back to the present moment – fear only ever lives in the future – we fear what may happen. Right now in this moment we are OK – we’re still living and breathing after all! So bring your attention back to this moment by focusing on your breathing – allow yourself to take a few deep breaths and use some affirmations such as “All is well in my world” or “Whatever happens I can handle it”
  • Refocus on your intentions – what do you want to have happen, how do you want your life to be? Often fears come up because we have set an intention to live our lives in a particular way and life very kindly sends us all the obstacles in the form of fears to be healed or cleared so we can achieve what we desire. Once you are clear on the intention ask yourself – what is the first step/ what do I need to do today or right now?
  • Celebrate your mistakes – it is OK to make them – that is how we learn!
  • Give yourself permission to change your mind, or to choose what fears you are ready to face. Remember you are in charge and you don’t have to scare the life out of yourself. It’s OK to allow your life to be calm and peaceful!!
  • Get physical – we can get stuck in our heads so do something physical to shift the energy. Go for a walk, get out in the fresh air, do some anger releasing work if necessary, dance…
  • Build a really strong support system – create a list of tools and resources or people you can call on to support you when you are being challenged in life. (Bach flower remedies, EFT and NLP were other modalities mentioned today that are useful in handling fear).

Here is the link for the recording from Jan Lundy, yet again, which I have found so useful in handling those times when you feel stuck. You can also check out the Susan Jeffers website as a resource for some very powerful affirmations.

Check out some of my other posts for more tools that may be useful and for those who have access to my Client Area log in to access an up to date document on Suggestions for Managing Fear.

I look forward to seeing you all at the next cafe, the last one for this year, on Tues 7th December 2010 at 9 am

Learning how to Trust

The topic of trust has been coming up for me over the last few weeks, both personally and with clients…

  • What does it mean to trust someone?
  • What does it mean to be trusted?
  • How can we learn to trust others more?
  • How can we show others that we can be trusted?

I have become aware that when there is a lack of trust it seems to be because we are afraid. We are afraid that we will not get the outcome that we want, that someone we care about may get hurt or we may get hurt.

Part of the process of trusting is to identify our desired outcome and boundaries – what would we like to have happen and where are our limits. We then need to be able to communicate this information clearly and the finally we need to be able to let go of the outcome and trust that whatever happens will be absolutely perfect even though it may not be exactly what we wanted to have happen. I have learned that some of the best opportunities turn up when things don’t go quite as expected.

So what is your experience with trust? Have you had to learn to trust others, or even your self, and how did you do that? I’d love to hear and learn from your experiences so please feel free to add a comment below. And if you need support in how to set clear outcomes and boundaries call/ text me on 0212 406 535 or email heather@inspirationscoach.co.nz to set up a time to chat.